snitchseeker

Stop Now!

2005-03-03T16:17:00.000+08:00

Mood:

What in the world is wrong with me. I don't want to study. I just don't want to friggin study. I don't understand. This has gone to the point that it is stupid. I have lost my motivation somewhere. I don't know where I friggin left it. I really feel disappointed because I know I can do it. I did do it back then but my drive is no longer here, no matter where I look for it, it is nowhere to be found. Could it be that God has decided to take it away from me? Because there's a part of me that somehow feels abandoned and betrayed. Or is it just I am feeling bad because this could mean my future? But my soul seems to be resolved to be uncooperative. It wants to self-destruct and give up. Within nanoseconds, I have been running through the whole emotional gamut drowning my logic and incapacitating me to absorb anything. Is it maybe I am too darn full of responsibilities that my stress-intolerant personality is starting to disgorge everything? I think I have pushed myself to overdrive that I have finally lost the drive. Me and my greedy need to perfect, succeed and my darn messianic complex is causing me to slowly crumble. God did unblessed me for some reason. He did, I know it. I know I am trying to better myself but everything I do seems keep on turning into a complete waste. I think He decided to do so because my idealism has gone amok to the point it is gluttonous. I need to STOP and stop NOW! or the tower that I am unconsciously building will fall upon the bridges that I am starting build.

Smileys.

2005-03-01T19:31:00.000+08:00

I bought a notebook once with smileys as a cover.
It featured smileys colored with the international flags.
And some smaller smileys circularly arranged wearing national costumes.
I found it very amusing and funny.
I am wondering why in the world is blogger missing of smileys.
So I therefore announce that from now on, I will start adding smileys!

Mood for today: I have a flu.

Survivor.

2005-02-19T17:33:00.000+08:00

"All is unfair in love and war and that same goes for Survivor." Shii Ann Huang perfectly said the reason as to why I am still fascinated with Survivor.

It was still as engrossing even if its the 10th Survivor season. I thought watching Vanuatu had me satisfied but still I came running home before 2. I am glad I am still not over it, like I am thankfully still not over with myself. I wonder which castaway wins this time. Will he be from the moral tribe or the moolah tribe? Anyway, Survivor players will gain something out this game even if its not the 1 million dollars. You find out a lot of things about yourself. It tests your resilience and measures your values. I watch it a lot because Survivor presents the same dilemma that I face everyday: what choices I should make to stay in the game of life. But then whatever you can do in this life, life's events are never fair. Like some Survivor twists, life presents us with unexpected blows from the outside and demands from within us that we seldom understand. I am sometimes faced to muster all my strength just to take that next step. Voting off vexations and sometimes sacrificing comforts just to have that another three days.

The Class Elf.

2005-02-13T18:21:00.000+08:00

I was stunned to know that I now have this reputation of being ill tempered. I maybe am getting too comfortable with my precious angst these past few weeks. I have been openly saying “argh!” in front of the class and I am not realizing my teachers are watching me. Thank God our teacher pointed out anonymously that she knows someone in our class that is hot tempered.

I am flabbergasted that I am now THE new angry kid in the block. I can be so anal when it comes in taking care of the class’s requirements. I get irritated with the darn collections and passing of activities sometimes. Well maybe not sometimes, but maybe all the time. I am used in being just the helpful shipmate but not the captain that holds the rudder. I didn't know being an effective leader would become one of my roles this time. I was quite honestly grateful for being elected as class officer but then too late I have realized that it's a mere title for the official butler of the class.

I think it is high time to learn from Lao Tzu to not interfere with the natural events happening around me. If it is natural for my classmates to be pricks then I will allow them to graciously become one. But I think what I really need to do is some organization. I really need to learn to have my own "To Do List" on paper and had to bear not having a PDA. (Having no PDA has always been my lame reason.) This is going to be quite some adjustment since mostly I organize for the sake of aesthetic vanity and never for the reason of keeping records. I have to make this effort to accept that I am responsible for my mates’ welfare. Too sad that it is just now that I have fully understood of my new role as the class elf.

Awesome.

2005-02-08T15:48:00.000+08:00

Art by: maurader.on.a.mission

I have searched again of this amazing Harry Potter fan art because it reminds me so much of Door 209. maurader.on.a.mission, whoever you are... You are awesome!

Door 209.

2005-02-06T00:41:00.000+08:00

Entered an exit

Escaped towards prison

Drank with my nose

Ate a thorned rose

Skull crushed

Face beat up

Sweet red drippings

Chest flesh torn weeping

Grimace tossed on mud

Taste of earth in my gums

Drink the earth's vengeance

See the flow of blood

Scarring foul stench

Smell of sulfur in my breath

Monster eagles peck my eyes

Spit of dragons melts my bones

A pinprick exit entrance

The keyhole is my door

Passed my ticket to the master

By only being small

Let The Music And Snitch Play.

2005-02-04T01:11:00.000+08:00

The music came from Nicolai Rimsky-Korsakov's Flight of the Bumblebee and was repopularized by Maksim. I have scoured for Harry Potter soundtracks but found no appropriate tempo and color for the snitchseeker. I thank God I remembered of Maksim's most popular rendition that I immediately scoured for the MIDI version. I diligently looked for the most crisp buzz I could grab my hands on and finally found this glorius 13.4 kb file that sounds like a 2 mb MP3. Then after I have racked my brains of learning how to embed a sound. I was quite honestly skeptical if this was a good move. I almost wanted to remove it but I guess some few people did like it, so I have decided to keep it.

But then I still wanted more. I wanted something stimulating other than the restless music. I wanted to experience something visually exciting. And so here I was again digging the cyberspace for some tiny flash games. I looked and looked until my brains were numb. And it did took me another day to have finally found a flash game. I was really excited to learn some more about flash and realized that it is really is hard that after my ambitious attempts of starting from scratch, I just opted for the readied template that I can work on. I just changed the colors scheme and the game title, and I think I have successfully placed it where it looks like it has always been there.

I hope you'll enjoy my additions as much as I did.

Harry Potter Personality Quiz.

2005-01-31T19:39:00.000+08:00

You are an INFP, an Idealist - the personality of Gryffindor house, and your Harry Potter character match is Harry Potter.

Personality Page: Quiet, reflective, and idealistic. Interested in serving humanity. Well-developed value system, which they strive to live in accordance with. Extremely loyal. Adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. Usually talented writers. Mentally quick, and able to see possibilities. Interested in understanding and helping people.

Type Logic: INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It's as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities.

INFPs have the ability to see good in almost anyone or anything. Even for the most unlovable the INFP is wont to have pity. Their extreme depth of feeling is often hidden, even from themselves, until circumstances evoke an impassioned response.

Of course, not all of life is rosy, and INFPs are not exempt from the same disappointments and frustrations common to humanity. As INTPs tend to have a sense of failed competence, INFPs struggle with the issue of their own ethical perfection, e.g., performance of duty for the greater cause. An INFP friend describes the inner conflict as not good versus bad, but on a grand scale, Good vs. Evil. Although the dark side must be reckoned with, the INFP believes that good ultimately triumphs.

Take the Quiz: The Ultimate Harry Potter Personality Quiz

Favorite Things & Beings.

2005-01-29T01:54:00.000+08:00

Book Character: Harry Potter

Reality TV: Survivor

Sports Event: Wimbledon Tournament

Sitcom: That 70's Show

Manga: Detective Conan

Anime: Cooking Master Boy

Cartoons: Jimmy Neutron

Actress: Cate Blanchett

Actor: Mel Gibson

Music Genre: Classical Music

Skill: Painting

Candy: Dark Chocolate

Drink: Rootbeer

Dinner: Pancit Palabok

Snitchseeker.

2005-01-27T18:29:00.000+08:00

It has been six months that I have been using his name but finally I'm giving up Harry James Potter as a username. I honestly don't know why I picked it. Maybe it was just a time where I was just really really inspired by Harry Potter. I think it is just wise courtesy for the PHP organization that I would lose it. They could have said no and told me I should change my username by the instant they saw it. But then these people are so nice as to not be even be bothered by it. Playing non-chalantly with our repartees and actually to some point accepted to call me HJP or Harry, from which now honestly some part of me is still slightly shaken. I really am a psycho Harry Potter fan as to pretend I was him to some point. I have eclipsed him so much I was to point confused if I was being myself or just playing Harry. I would be honored to keep the username because I do like being Harry James Potter but I think snitchseeker is the more appropriate username for me. I am going to miss this username for this kid is the man I would like to be. But for now I must go because the snitchseeker has some snitch seeking to do...

It's Now Okay For Me To Die.

2005-01-26T16:59:00.000+08:00

I now have Harry Potter Books 1-5!

All in Hardbound. Mmm... I love that smell of fresh books. Mwahahaha! I got it in installment. I'll only pay 450 a month. Isn't that the best treat? God! You do love me! You love me! You love me! You love me! Yipeeeee! *backflip* Hay! I could die now that is how I feel. Well, maybe after the Harry Potter series... honga naman!

The Lost Map.

2005-01-22T20:50:00.000+08:00

Like a pro, I inserted my right index finger to my right ear, to help me listen carefully to the notes I am trying to give off. I can hear my voice resonating in my skull and it made me wince. I tried to console myself "It was not that bad, not that bad at all. It could have been worse." Until I was satisfied of singing: ...It makes no difference who you are, I'm your angel, I'm your angel..., I have decided to finally get my five foot ten self wet. The splashing and slushing of the water was certainly better music to my ears. After I was done and dressed, my skin started to dry and flake. I peeled off some of the loose epidermis from my old sunburn, making larger patches of the fairer skin underneath. Darn! My tall, dark and handsome look is over. I am starting to look like the lost map of the Atlantis. But who cares? They say good looks is only skin deep. It is better to have a beautiful mind than a handsome face... But darn! My friend told me I look better now that I am dark. (Or was it I look better when I'm in the dark... I'm not quite sure.) Anyway, isn't it shallow that sometimes we people can't look pass the exterior and in turn make ordinary looking folks like me feeling inferior for not having to live up to some chin standard? But then isn't that also is the cold truth? That some people do look like gods, that some people are really are omniscient and that some people are just really are more pre-disposed to being nice. But then I believe our differences is nothing but a necessary result of our fictile nature. A phenomena of the different heights of cognition, the divergences of warpaths we travel and the lottery of the creative substance called genes. I think my only appropriate response to this reality is to learn not to sweat these stuffs. To learn to value myself even with the simple gifts I have and make them grow if the world permits. Anyway, my maps don't look as bad as now days have passed. I must say these maps may have even led me to the right path.

I Saw the Snitch.

2005-01-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

I saw the snitch

Pass me by an inch.

I was caught surprised

Almost blind my eyes.

It flew away

To my big dismay.

It must not get caught,

Not become unsought.

I saw the snitch

Pass me by an inch.

I was caught surprised

Was it just a lie?

It flew so high

Too high I could die.

What is your call

Just to make me fall?

I saw the snitch

So what's the pitch?

Have it on my grasp

Will it sting like wasp?

Should it be free

Maybe just like me?

Would you be a friend

No to let it end.

I am the snitch

Catch me if I can.

I Was Almost Demented.

2005-01-13T18:50:00.000+08:00

One of my classmates asked the nurse where the heck is Ward II. She pointed that we should go straight the hallway and turn left and we will find the obstetrics ward there. While walking this quite long corridor, we disrupted some few interns of their fun. They were watching us curiously as we pass by. Further, as the shiny tiled floors have ended, we turned to the left as we were told. We walked on this wood ramp that led to the ward door that I could see. Right by the door were other interns indulging themselves to a discussion. And there it was -- my past have also decided to come and visit my present. A familiar face emerged from the woodwork of immaculate uniforms. "Damn!" I told myself, and I felt my guts got tugged to the railings and then a lot awful scenarios have started to run amok in my head. I have noticed that I have almost stopped walking which I hope my classmates didn't notice. I immediately continued to walk with my classmates towards the door and passed for like five inches that I can hear that very familiar insolent voice. I got into the ward and I found myself finally meeting my friend with her baby boy. I didn't know if I was happy to see her or happy to have escaped the dementor.

Studying Unhard.

2005-01-12T03:54:00.000+08:00

My concentration is a little off last two days. Some lot of seawater may have gone to my cerebra because I can feel it floating. I was caught like a stunned deer on headlights by the two exams I had yesterday morning. I was so pissed with myself for not studying, but gawd, there's a part of me that is just too darn unwilling to read. I don't want to force myself or I'll go nuts. I am already nuts but I don't want to go coconuts. I want to take it cool. I work best when I am. Maybe I was studying a little too hard that's why I couldn't get it in. When I lost hope for my second exam and just decided to just read the chapter to enjoy it. I actually started absorbing what I was reading. Hmm... so that is the darn technique. Read it like its unimportant. Cool. I think I'll be fine with that.

I Could Have Fallen On My Knees.

2005-01-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

I thought it would be a drag of spending the weekend with my relatives in the beach. My personality is too darn introverted and I don't think it will ever click with theirs. My personality is that I could bear to just sit and be quiet for hours just to be honest. So that day I brought myself some Harry Potter Trivia Terms print-out so that I wouldn't look so catatonic. *lol* But OMG! the beach was Super Awesome! My pessimism was drowned by the picture perfect panorama of the whitest sand I've seen, the clearest turquoise water beckoning me for a swim and the foggy mountains in the background standing proud. I swore if I was alone I could have fallen on my knees after I found my way through the cottages. I didn't know I could be so friggin intoxicated by the whole experience. So today, here I am typing with my ten happy tanned fingers trying to explain why I wasn't able to update my journal for these past few days. It was for a very, very good reason.

It is Official.

2005-01-06T08:52:00.000+08:00

I AM ADDICTED TO BLOGGING.

I don't know what I am supposed to talk about right now but here I am making a post. *lol* I just snuck out from my class break to write anything in here. Talk about addiction.

Not Another Corny Post.

2005-01-05T04:01:00.000+08:00

I don't use to write this way. I don't know what happened to me that I am getting a little too interested with words. I think I am too much enjoying myself with my previous posts. *lol* I also like to edit my post by the way. I reread my work and get rid of those stuffs that starts to make me nauseous. I think I find writing interesting because I think it is amazing how life can get capsuled into these 27 symbols grouped and arranged in different million ways. I think it is awesome. But today, I don't want to get too boring. I don't want to write another corny and creepy stuffs. I just want to say thank you for those who have gone through the pains of catching the snitch or bothering to click that blue link in your YM. (and please unclick that invisible for eternity thing because I know you are there.*lol*) I'll be heading for school at 7:15 but on my PC's time it's still 3:15. That's four more hours to go. I slept at four in the afternoon and woke up at ten in the evening. I can't get back to sleep and resorted to blogging instead.

The Cursed Dream.

2005-01-04T05:31:00.000+08:00

It was not as stressful as I expected. It was a really good plus for me that I did well with the two of my exams when I went home. I did relax and did no homework as planned. And I also did found myself exponentially sleepy as predicted. I slept at nine and I can remember no dream. But however today, I will tell you one of my worst recurring dream since I was kid:

A heart beating will start to echo in my head and make me conscious that I am asleep. The sound starts to grow like a tribe of hunters gathering for a kill. The drum beat starts to grow until it explodes to its hardest rhythm. The vision starts to appear and I see the pair of feet through some hanging strings of foliage. A feeling I have only felt in this dream will start to pervade. I start to feel a sponge suck my being as my spirit struggles to swim away. Then a giant shining pearl starts chasing me in this very bright street. Helplessly, I run as fast as my dream can allow. The farther I have gone away, the brightness around me turns more dim. I then begin panicking as the darkness grows, trying to find some air to breathe.

I wake up from this dream hyperventilating. I will be bedridden for high fever and asthma for almost a week and eventually the curse leaves.

Anxious about School.

2005-01-03T05:05:00.000+08:00

I go down from the jeepney and cross the street. While nearing the gate, I wear my ID and I go directly up to my classroom and wipe the last chair with some paper to get rid of it's 2004 dust. I am leaving all the vexations that my previous school year brought me. The crazy incidents I am accepting. But as a wise act on my part, I am pulling myself away from the extra workload being offered. It is important for me to start concentrating on my grades even more. I am doing my Chemisty in my school freetime and whatever assignment that may come this day. This is the only humble way I can thank my parents for being supportive. I am staying away from trouble by choosing the jokes to laugh at wisely. (Like laughing about this one.) I am probably just anxious that's why I am writing all my plans for this day. I believe I haven't slept properly not because of my mum's TV but because of the ring of school in my head. I am hoping tonight when I get home, I'll be too tired to be bothered with school. I can relax and watch TV, tinker with the PC, eat dinner with the family and then sleep undisturbed.

Quite Quiet.

2005-01-02T06:48:00.000+08:00

I dragged myself out of bed at noon. I can hear the faint chimings of dinner plates and cutlery downstairs waking my stomach more than my head. I looked for the other pair of our common slippers but I failed to find it. I asked my father but he has no idea where to find it either. I walked through the ballet of commotion to the kitchen sink and tried to get my hands to the noon-hot running water to wash my hands. And then my one slippered feet automatically threaded to the bench. I found myself already sitting on the dinner table silent, watching the spectacle of leftovers and waiting for the prayer before meals to start. Yup, this is indeed the New Year but I am still the old me. Introverted, silent, quiet and my vocal chords - lazy. But on the other hand, I can be ridiculously and stupidly funny. It scares me sometimes. But generally, peoples' impression of me is that I am quite quiet. It was cold and eerie quiet by the way when I woke up. It was dead silent. Literally, dead. It felt like a sin waking up to disturb it. I am only hoping I don't make that same dead impression in real life.

New Year. New Blogger.

2005-01-01T02:37:00.000+08:00

I have always resisted on making my own blog. I get lazy too easily. I could get pretty boring too, I warn you. But here I am hoping this New Year at least I go get interested in the unfolding of my own life. They say blogging could get addicting, so I got myself some new addiction for the New Year then. Addictions are probably the only things I can keep better than my resolutions anyway. But before you get any ideas, I don't do drugs, goodness no. I am too much of a wuss to get addicted to it. I am addicted to fairly geeky stuffs like Harry Potter, hence the word, snitchseeker. Anyway, thanks for checking my blog out, too late have you known that I have wasted your precious time. Eventually you will know me better as days and months and years progress. Or probably the blur that I am as time continues to roll. That is if I wouldn't bore you or myself to death. What's different this year is that I have never made a New Year's Resolution, since year by year I have never successfully fulfilled any of them. I think an unfulfilled resolution is too much a let-down of a welcome for the year 2006. Good thing about this year though, I can't remember my last year's resolution so this time nothing seems disappointing.